Estranged Estelle (exploitestelle) wrote in highphones,
Estranged Estelle
exploitestelle
highphones

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before you hang a right and disappear from sight.

dear andrew,

yeah it really has been away. ohhh my god. my handwritten letter is enormous. 50 pages or so now. i have the second part, but im looking for the first part. i came home right away to clean my room so when i do that im sure ill find it, and ill give it to you tomorrow on the way to 4th. i will meet you in the field or something.

its not like i expect her to talk to me about those kind of things with me, but to me, kesha hasnt said a word about you. although, i know she does believe that you guys are meant to be. i remember we were coming back from amoeba or something like that, when we were talking about love (ha, it must seem like thats all i talk about). she said something about how she believes in a one and only soulmate. i think you are one of her secrets. how she feels, thinks, reacts, all that intense stuff. does she know that you are having an amazing time with gabi? does she know that you arent going back to her? if i were you i wouldnt leave gabi either.

ive been listening to buck 65 too! its on my ipod. i dont know what songs ive been listening too, but they're pretty cool. never heard of aesop rock. how do you pronounce that? A-sup rock?

i think my crush for amoeba is dying. i havent seen him in two weeks. should i go this friday? do you think he knows? should i give him my number? i was talking to megan (i dont knwo why i still talk to her about these kind of things- i think she's really manipulative about getting it out of me) but she thinsk i should give him my number. since she suggested it i should probably automatically turn this idea down, but i think i was thinking about it before her, but i jsut didnt know how to do it. this stuff i hate andrew. its just so difficult. i can't wear my heart on my sleeve. ive figured myself out, and the roots of fears lie in vulernability. im pretty sure you've been there. you know how they have to walk across the counter to give you your cds. megan thinks i should write my number on my receipt and tell him to keep it that i dont want it. what do you think? i know i know, i should find some common ground with him. i was thinking maybe i could ask him some general conversation starter question. kesha thinks i should first find out if he has a girlfriend. she thinks he has a girlfriend . i wouldnt doubt it either. im sure he's a great catch. unless he has genital warts or soemthing. gross. she suggested asking something like, "im buying this for my friends girlfriends, do girlfriends like this type of thing?" damn i hate this.

i should just like someone at school. like sean barrett or something. he's a nice guy. no, i want him to stay my friend and only friend, forever.

in the last page or so of the letter i wrote to you, i wrote that i cant fall in love. im starting to believe this more and more now that i think about it. i just can't. im not cut out for the game.

tiem to clean my room and look for the first part of that letter!

earnestly,
estelle
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